Surgery and a Half

There's a lot going on this week. Jack has his second and final surgery on Wednesday. I'm trying not to think about it actually, because when I think about how difficult it is going to be and all the things that could go wrong...I get overwhelmed and really emotional. So what I've been thinking about instead is Saturday: I have a half-marathon on Saturday. I signed up for the Big Lake Half-Marathon back in January, not knowing when Jack's final surgery was but that it could potentially fall around the same date. I've trained hard for the past three months, harder and smarter than I've ever trained before. But when we got his final surgery date of May 8th three weeks ago, it looked like I wasn't going to be able to run.

In many  ways I feel guilty for even wanting to run the race. (And honestly I wasn't going to even write about it because I was a little worried about judgement from others. As in: Your such a terrible mom for wanting to run a race instead of be with your son. But as is often true of these fears of judgement, they are simply my insecurities projected onto other people.) Part of me says it is selfish to want to run, but part of me says it is OK. My husband is encouraging me to do it. He says it will be a good release of all the emotions and stress of this week. So I've decided to run, pending any complications with Jack's recovery. Jack's surgery is a "same-day" procedure, so we will be released sometime in the afternoon on Wednesday. And if his recovery is anything like it was for his first surgery he may be smiling and back to himself Thursday afternoon or Friday.

I'm holding loosely to my plan to run, completely ready to abandon it if necessary: if Jack needs me I will be there.

--Sarah

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