Disclaimer: there are some opinions in this post unrelated to running, running gear, healthy living, nutrition or anything else that I usually post about. It's just life-lately and my thoughts out there on the page. Proceed with caution;) It's funny how when you're a parent and you see your child about to throw up, your first instinct is to reach out and catch the vomit. Like that is going to help?

Lately, my husband has been catching my "emotional vomit," after 15 years together he's pretty good at it. We all need someone in our lives who does that, who reaches out to catch the vomit (real or emotional) despite the fact that better judgement would tell you not to.

Life lately...is stressful, anxiety inducing, chaotic, crazy. I read recently that often times people who struggle with an eating disorder are typically very anxious people. That anxiety and obsessive thinking gets directed towards food when you are anorexic or bulimic, at least I believe that was the case for me. And now that I'm recovered the eating disorder behaviors are not an issue any more, but the anxiety is still there on occasion. Especially when the "occasion" involves unpredictable circumstances. I am NOT a "fly by the seat of my pants" kind of person, but lately life has me white-knuckling the seat of my pants and the wild ride is producing some emotional vomit.

Nomads

In two weeks we are out of our current home (Our little two-bedroom, 970 square-foot condo...it's been a long journey to a home-although every place we have lived we have made it home- for our family. I may tell that story another day.) Packing, sorting, packing more, moving stuff into storage has been our world for the past two months. We've got a piece of land and we're building a house (!!!). And when I say "we" are building those house, what I should say is my husband (he's a plumbing contractor) is building the house. It's exciting and little scary all at the same time.

Between now and the completion of the house we're going to be nomads, moving around here and there before the house is done. August and September will be a bit crazy as we approach the start of the school year (we're homeschooling again). It's not an "ideal" situation. But if there's anything I've learned as an adult is that life is rarely ideal and you have to do your best to roll with it, even if you're white-knuckling the whole way.

The News

We were out of town last week in a place that has no wifi and limited cell service and for the most part "unplugged" a bit. I didn't really realized what was going on around our nation until much later in the week at which point I thought others might perceive the posts of my smiling kids and #lakelife hashtag as insensitive. Because somehow your Facebook page has become the litmus test of your morality? If you don't post about current events, somehow you are insensitive and if you do you're a front-runner in exacting change in the world. What about engaging with the people around you? What if instead of using that "down time" standing in line at the grocery store or riding the subway as a chance to check-in with what "going on with the world" and add your two-sense on Facebook, you put the phone down and look the person next to you in the eye and ask them how their day is going? What about that part of the world? The part that is right next to you that you don't even see?

It seems that the bad news doesn't stop either. I found myself wondering is the world a more violent and tragic place than it was 50 years ago? One hundred years ago? A 1000 years ago? Probably not. I asked my Dad last week: When you were in your 30's did you ever feel like the world was helplessly violent? "Yes," was his reply. He recalled a conversation he had in his 20's with a friend, the question: how could you bring a child into such a unstable world? Yet, he and my mom did and here I am and here are my three kids. I think every generation, as they come of age into adulthood, wonders the same thing: how can we go on? I look at my own children. They have no idea what's going on in the world and when they are adults there will be new tragedies, new violence that will leave them asking the same questions.

I can only think that we are news-weary. That if we continue to consume the product that is the news as readily as it is available to us thanks to the internet that we will eventually be rendered useless, paralyzed by fear and anxiety, by anger and outrage, or by posting to Facebook and calling that our contribution to change. And it's not just "news" from news sources, its the tragedies too, the unthinkable accidents the stories you read and images you see. Someone recently said to me, "I just can't filter it all." Do we have to filter it all? I think we can still be engaged with our community, be compassionate human beings, be a positive change and disengage with the news. We don't have to consume it, we don't have to filter ALL the tragedies and violence through our own hearts and minds. Maybe a more unplugged life is a healthier life?

All these thoughts and ideas swirl around my head while I'm running. Running is where I put the pieces together after the emotional vomit comes roaring out. Running lately has been good, I'll save that for another post.

I may not be posting very frequently in the next few weeks since I've got a Sharpie in one hand and a roll of packing tape in the other, but you can see my day-to-day life and running on my Instagram.

--Sarah

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