Where I am Meant to Be

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On Wednesday afternoon, Sophia and I had the chance to spend some one on one time with each other. We had a "Mommy-Sophia" date. Sometimes our "dates" involve some chore, like grocery shopping or errands. But Wednesday it was just about what she wanted to do and she wanted to go to indoor track. I'm sure at four years old the idea of track being inside is fascinating. So we suited-up in our running gear (I find it hard to resist purchasing new women's running gear...but little girls running gear is exponentially harder to resist!) and headed to the track for a few laps.

The indoor track, the Sweet Oval, is inside the Field House on the campus of the University of New Hampshire, my alma mater. Whenever I drive onto campus the memories of who I was ten years ago (gah! ten years) come flooding back and I remember this class in that building, or the time Mark and I ran around that corner, or when I walked under that dogwood tree in May just before graduating and getting married. There are so many memories wrapped up into the time that I spent there.

Later, Sophia and I sat at the Bagelry (it goes by a different name now, but in my mind it will forever be the Bagelry) munching on delicious bagels. From where I sat I looked out over what is basically the center of town, a little triangular park where two roads converge, and was suddenly struck with the realization: I am exactly where I am meant to be.

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To backtrack...I never, ever in my wildest dreams ever wanted to go to UNH. At 15 minutes away from where I grew up and went to high school, it was most certainly my last choice. I almost didn't apply. It was the safety to my safety school. I wound up there after transferring from Syracuse, unable to battle anorexia on my own I needed the support of my family. I accepted where I was and enjoyed my time there.

I can recall though, sitting in the Bagelry studying, looking out over the same converging streets thinking: There is so much more down these roads. So much beyond this place. And I'm going there. I'm getting out of here. There's adventure and excitement out there and it is for me.

Sitting there with Sophia on Wednesday I realized, my adventure is right here: this little life in front of me. This little girl (and my little guy at home), their lives, the people they are becoming--right now that is my adventure. And I wouldn't have it any other way. To Sophia the world is full of firsts, discoveries, realizations, experiences, amazement. She is the kind of girl that walks down the hallway of the field house passing by the office of every athletic director and coach and sees an open door as an invitation to say "hi." She's the kind of girl, who without hesitation will invite anyone, regardless of age to play with her. She's the kind of girl who nearly falls off the edge of the indoor track because she's craning her neck around to say 'hi' to the gentleman running up behind her. She is the exact opposite of me, she wants to greet the world. My inclination is to assume no one wants to be bothered and not say a thing. She sees with the biggest heart and unclouded eyes. She pulls me out of my comfort zone. She is teaching me.

My 20-something self thought living in a small town, becoming a mother meant "settling down," that it meant the "adventure" was over. I wanted to do bigger things,  be in more important places. Yet, quite the opposite is true. I realized on Wednesday that there are infinite possibilities for adventure with Sophia and Jack, that there really isn't anything bigger or better than being a mom. And that I am exactly where I'm meant to be.

--Sarah

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