I Love You With All My Heart

For most of the day I was writing, in my head, a witty post about being a mom of two and the toll it is taking on my sanity. As I carted my kids form errand to errand I added more to the post, which I was determined to write after they went to bed. And here I am, the kids quietly tucked in their beds, writing a post. But it vastly different from the one I had planned, because at 7:14pm I sat down to nurse Jack and finally had a chance to check my email, Instagram, Twitter and Facebook. Everything spoke of "today's tragedy," of which I knew nothing about. My breath cut short when I read the details of today's shooting in Newtown, CT. It makes everything that made my day witty and ironic, small and insignificant. Trite. In Newtown, CT tonight there are parents sitting on the edge of an empty bed, rendered speechless by grief. There are parents holding little shoes that will never be filled again. There are parents looking at presents that will go unopened. There are parents staring at the little dangling ornament, the one that says "Baby's First Christmas." It is senseless. Tragic. Heartbreaking. Heart wrenching.

Tonight, I held Jack closer, kissed Sophia more. I sat on the edge of the bed a little longer than I normally do. I stared at Sophia's little shoes at front door, lined up next to her Daddy's. I looked at our tree and the ornament that caught my eye was the one that says "Baby's First Christmas." I whispered to Sophia what I tell her at every nap time and bedtime: "I love you with all my heart." But when I said it tonight, every fiber of my being meant it.

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--Sarah