Turning Thirty

In one week I will be thirty. Yep. 3-0. It's happening…and I am totally ready for it, excited really. I'm not afraid of it, nor do I feel saddened by the "loss" of my "Twenties." In fact I am quite happy to be rid of them and move on. That is not to say that my twenties are not filled with good memories, they are: I got married to my best friend, I gave birth to our first child, I made new, life long friends, I shared in the weddings of my brother and sisters and many close friends, watched my parents celibate thirty years together. But despite all these fond memories, many of those years are punctuated by the memory of my battle with bulimia. It's hard to explain life with an eating disorder. In so many ways it dominates your life because you can never escape the obsessive thoughts and compulsive actions. But the world keeps moving around you. Life continues around you while you're caught up in a mental and physical hell. There are moments of clarity and freedom, but these are rare: an oasis in and endless desert. And sometimes what are supposed to be the happiest memories like weddings and baby showers, because they center around food, produce so much anxiety and so many triggers that they can barely be enjoyed. That was my twenties. With the exception of the past three years, in which I became 'sober' from bulimia and found complete freedom.

I'm looking forward to thirty and all that it will bring with it. I feel like I have just begun to live. As if my potential is just being unlocked, after nine years trapped away. I feel more engaged with the world around me, aware, connected, PRESENT. I feel at peace with who I am: free to let go of who I am not (nor will ever be) and ready to embrace the possibility that freedom has allowed me. My thirties will be fully alive...starting next Thursday:-)

--Sarah

You can read more about my story and how I beat bulimia HERE.