Quest for The Holy Grail

It eludes me this Holy Grail, the Holy Grail of Newborn-dom: sleeping though the night. We've come close several times but there's never been a consistent pattern, and often these "great" nights are followed by "terrible" nights. I've implemented the strategies of "Babywise" and the "Babywhisperer": we're on a regular schedule/routine and for the most part I don't rush in and swoop her up when she cries in her sleep. We've had mixed results: some nights she sleeps great others, not so much.

Sophie has had stretches of 5 and 6 hours of sleep at a time, which I've found is really all I need. I've always functioned fairly well on what some would consider little sleep and I rarely take naps (in fact I can't stand them…I feel as if I am waisting time). Which is probably why I have such a hard time with the Sophie's sleep irregularities: I'm one of those "type A" personalities that likes every "i" dotted and every "t" crossed. I like lists that I can check off, boxes that stack neatly and closets organized by color. Sophie does not fit neatly into my agenda. Which is why I feel frustrated when she doesn't conform to the solutions the baby books I've read provide--which I've looked to for a fix all formula. But I'm glad she doesn't--it's about time I loosened up and let go of all the things I've been anally retaining.

Sophie challenges me daily; challenges me to let go of my idea of the way things should be, to abandon the self-centered way I have functioned for 27 years. She's forced me to slow down, to savor the moments when her fuzzy head snuggles up agains my cheek, to take naps and not feel as if I'm wasting time, to postpone a run for another day.

I was hoping to get out and run yesterday: it didn't happen. So its my goal for today…but after only a few fitful hours of sleep last night, and some residual soreness from Friday's Crossfit workout, I'm wondering if I can do it and still be ready for another potentially sleep deprived night. When I'm tired, I'm TIRED and just as cranky as Sophie when she's tired. We can be quite a pair for sure (and it's not pretty). If only we could find that Holy Grail…(queue the Indian Jones music).