Runner to Mother
I didn't love running until I started running in College Woods, a small nature preserve laced with trails just on the outskirts of the University of New Hampshire campus. Prior to college I had exclusively run a two mile loop around my parents in-town home, in Dover, NH to "get in shape" for my high school basketball team. At that time I associated running with the lines on the gym floor and the coaches whistle.
When I started running for runnings sake it was on the streets of Syracuse, NY where attended college my first year. I ran through the nearby neighborhoods because they reminded me of home, I'd let me imagination wander and escape the sad state of my homesick mind.
I didn't have to endure being homesick for long, I transferred my to the University of New Hampshire, fifteen minutes from my childhood home for the remainder of college. It was there that I fell in love with running. When my feet first took me to College Woods it was because I remembered cross-country skiing with my Dad there in the winters when I was little. The familiarity of the tall pines creating a tunnel-like canopy over the narrow pathway was another reminder for me that I was home. Running in the woods became a sanctuary for me. When I ran in the woods I understood myself; life made sense.
Running changed when my husband and i moved to Arizona a year after I graduated from college. I ran the streets around our down-town Phoenix apartment. There were no trees, no sanctuary. In the desert everything is exposed and so was I. So I took my running inside to the treadmill and it was really there that my love of running hit a wall. I may have felt less exposed, but it slowly sucked away my love for running. I desperately wanted to find a "College Woods" in Arizona. I found a few poor substitutes, but they just weren't the same.
Last year, my husband and I moved back to New Hampshire after nearly four years in Arizona. I looked forward to getting back to running on familiar rural roads and once again in "College Woods". We moved in the middle of winter, running outside was almost unbearable, my Arizona-lungs were averse to the subfreezing temperatures. And then suddenly and unexpectedly we found out I was pregnant. For the first three months I stopped running and "took it easy," still wondering if this "surprise" was real. But as the realization sunk in, and my confidence grew that the baby was in fact really in there and completely safe, I started running again. I ran up until my eighth month, enjoying the energy boosting endorphins and the presence of my little running partner. I'm convinced that running through my pregnancy helped me labor and deliver without drugs and with confidence. In fact, it was an evening workout at the gym on December 8th, 2009 that kick started labor and resulted in the birth of my little Sophia Jewel on December 9th at 3:15am.
I recovered quickly. Twelve days after her birth, on a frigid day, I had a chance to get outside and "go for a walk." I bundled up and planned to walk briskly around the town we live in. I soon felt like walking was too slow, I wanted to run. I broke into a slow jog and realized that the urge I felt was my love for running. It was back. After 9 months of "jogging" with my pregnant belly and almost two years since my last competitive race, I finally felt like I wanted to run again for all the reasons that I fell in love with running in the first place.
I am in a totally different place in life than I was when I first stepped foot in College Woods. This new role of "mom" is uncharted territory, miles I haven't logged yet. Running now is still my thinking time. Time to figure out what life is about now. Time to understand myself as a mother. And that is what this blog is all about...