Anti-Social: signing off from social media

I was never a good test taker. I can remember the way a tightness would come over my body as it clenched in stress from the ticking clock. There was never enough time for me to think through, to find the answer, wade through my second guessing and self-doubt and find my way back to the answer.

I retook the SAT multiple times because my score never “matched” my grades. Yet so much was riding on that test. It was the key to unlocking possibility, opportunity--the next step. It was critical, or so it seemed at the time.

Looking back, I realize that my SAT scores have had nothing to do with living a meaningful, fulfilling life.

Social Media seems critical in the same way that the SAT felt critical. It’s been labeled “essential” for any business, whether you’re a brick and mortar or online. You can’t scale without it, you can’t reach new audiences without it, you can’t grow without it. You must build a personal brand. Establish trust with your following. Create content that helps them know, like and trust you. Be authentic. Or so they say.

Lately, I’ve been doubting the essentialism of social media. Do I really need it? Is all this stress and pressure to constantly create content in multiple forms for every single platform, is this really necessary? Is this really the path to opportunity and possibility?

Or is there another way?

I’ve concluded that there is another way, which is why I’m leaving social media behind. Logging off. Unplugging. Shutting it down. For good? For now? Indefinitely? Temporarily? I haven’t put a timeline on it or any hard and fast rules (society loves to tear down a woman who changes her mind, think Alicia Keys and make-up or Chrissy Teigen and Twitter or any other woman in the public eye who has changed her mind). I’m just letting go of the line that is keeping me tethered to this insatiable beast. I’m letting go and moving on.

One could argue that I could adopt a more hands-off approach, I could hire an assistant to manage my account. I could detach myself from the personal aspect of it, but quite honestly that just wouldn’t be me. Who I am and what I have created with Rise.Run.Retreat. are inextricably linked. Social media at arms length wouldn’t feel right.

You could argue that perhaps this stress and pressure are a construct of my own perception. No one is telling me to create more content (I mean, unless you think Gary V. is personally talking to you). But tell me you haven’t felt it: this unspoken emphasis to share more, more of your life, more behind the scenes, more day-to-day, more tips and tricks, more authentic moments, more, more, more.

You could argue that I could just go on to post or resond to comments or DM’s, to establish personal guidelines and boundaries. The thing is, I’ve done that. My average screen time is down to about 2 hours a day and most of that is the Weather Channel and Zillow. I have a specific time I go on social media with a specific purpose and I still feel like it’s this thing is not helping.

Social media is like a parasite that relies on its host to keep going. The content we create keeps users on the platform, it captures and holds attention, it facilitates the scroll and the rabbit hole. Social media’s appetite can’t be satisfied and it isn’t going to get smaller and so it will keep sucking the creativity from every host who’s willing to play the game.

When it comes to being a host, I’m actually a damn good one. I host running retreats. I create space for women to come and explore the intersection of running and life, to find confidence, gain strength and make authentic connections. I invite women into honest conversations, meaningful moments and the discovery of a path towards a fulfilling life.

That is the arena where I want to show up, for which I want to create and construct and facilitate, because there is great meaning and value there. It’s a role I chose, unlike managing a social media presence, which feels like a role I didn’t really sign up for and no longer want. I want to be a host, just not to the parasite that is social media.

My experience on social media hasn’t been all bad and this exit isn’t prompted by some criticism or some implosion of my personal life, in fact somehow I’ve managed to remain unscathed by trolls and haters and my personal life is wonderfully intact.

Social media was a source of incredible support and connection during one of the hardest years of my life when our son Jack had multiple surgeries. It has been a place where I’ve made deep and lasting connections that have blossomed into real life friendships. It’s provided me opportunities to travel and connect with the running community in a way I never could have dreamed and it offered me the experience that inspired the creation of Rise.Run.Retreat.

Yet all that is good and beneficial, does not seem to outweigh the negative aspects of what social media has become. And for that reason it appears that it is no longer serving me, I’m serving it, which is reason enough to leave.

There is a hesitation, though. I won’t lie. What if brands don’t want to partner with Rise.Run.Retreat. because the reach is suddenly slashed by thousands of people? What if I leave and people can’t find Rise.Run.Retreat. and don’t know what it’s about because I’m not on social media? What if I miss the random connections that have enriched my life? What if everything falls apart and my ability to provide for my family dries up? What if people forget about me?

What if?

But what if it doesn’t fall apart? What if this decision I’ve been pulled towards for over a year is exactly the right step? What if cutting the line to this anchor opens a world of possibility and opportunity? What if the greatest adventure will be building a business without social media? What if I become more creative? What if I feel more free? What if I encounter random connections in the real world? What if I am more present? What if instead of documenting my life I start living it?

I’ve given nearly ten years of my life to social media. I’m not willing to give it ten more.

Maybe this exit seems sudden, but to me this idea of leaving social media really isn’t new. It has been percolating for over a year. It all started when I re-read Digital Minimalism. My first reading of the book in 2019 only got me about halfway through before I was like, “Nah dude, I’m building a business with this platform. I’ve connected with some of my closest real life friends on this platform, I’ve had amazing opportunities because of this platform, it’s essential to my business.” And so I kept on trucking.

But when I picked it back up in April 2020 the message of Newport’s book hit in a new way. I decided to do the 30-day digital detox recommended in the book in June 2020 and then chickened out. I plugged back in and kept feeding the machine. In December 2020 I followed through and stepped away for 30-days. I thought I’d miss it. I thought I’d feel a compulsion to check it. Instead, it was a relief. Like someone had turned off the background noise and suddenly I was able to think clearly, to see reality, to be present. I wanted to stay in that place where there wasn’t a demand for me to create.more.content. But I had new things I was launching, I had retreats to announce and promote. The beast had to be fed. The game had to be played.

As the past three months have gone by[I am writing this in late March, even though I won’t publish it until May], I found myself begrudgingly participating in posting to Instagram, feeling conflicted by the pro’s and the cons of continuing to exist in this space. Anytime I’ve been in the liminal space of an important decision, and I’ve been conflicted I tend to spiral down, slightly unhinged from my principles and values, my negative internal narrative gets loud. Like somehow in the unknowing and indecision my internal critic sees the vulnerability as an opportunity to step in and tear me down. And so these past few weeks of March have felt quite dark.

Until, I decided to make a decision. And once I made that decision that I was going to leave Instagram I felt lighter, more grounded, as if by finally listening to myself, finally listening to the whisper that had turned into a shout, everything was set right. And this is how we live a meaningful and true life: we listen to the whisper within, the small still voice, even if it goes against convention or the advice of others. You listen to what is in your heart, you honor it, you trust it, you nourish it and then the good things come--not without difficulty--but they come nonetheless.

One person’s decision to leave social media isn’t going to change anything, especially not someone with a ‘mirco’ following like my own. It won’t make a difference to Facebook, it might not make a difference to you or to anyone else who has ever clicked “follow” on my account. But it will make a difference in my own life and maybe if you’ve been asking similar questions about your own relationship with social media it might make a difference to you. You might gain clarity or at least not feel alone.

I’m logging off of social media, but I am not disappearing. I’m inviting you to come with me!

I’ll be showing up on my blog, in my weekly newsletter and in the communities I’ve created in Rise.Run.Retreat. the RISE + RUN Collective. I don’t plan to delete any of my pages or profiles, at least not for now (except for Twitter, that’s gone already), but maybe that’s coming. In a month, three months, who knows.

Rise.Run.Retreat. will still have an active social media presence on Facebook and Instagram managed by our Community Coordinator, Sandra Laflamme. So if you want to stay connected to what we are doing there you can.

I appreciate each of you, those who have reached out and those who quietly follow. I’m humbled by your trust, your time, your respect and I’d love it if you came with me to have meaningful conversations and pursue meaningful lives elsewhere, beyond this square world. I’ll be on social for the remainder of this week, but will be signing off on Sunday 5/30.

You can join my newsletter here.

-Sarah

Here are a few resources I mentioned in the post that have reinforced my feelings towards social media and given me the added motivation to say enough is enough:

What’s “Required” to Play the Game

https://rainylune.com/blogs/blog/why-your-instagram-engagement-kinda-sucks-right-now

Digital Minimalism

https://www.calnewport.com/books/digital-minimalism/

Under the Influence - lifting the curtain on the mom-influencer world

https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/under-the-influence-with-jo-piazza/id1544171101

The Social Dilemma -Netflix Documentary

https://www.thesocialdilemma.com

Finding Possibility Beyond Social Media

https://seths.blog/2020/12/amplify-possibility/

Your Brain on Instagram

https://now.northropgrumman.com/this-is-your-brain-on-instagram-effects-of-social-media-on-the-brain/